Help for the Unemployed

Last week I promised to share ways that you can make a difference for a friend, colleague or family member who has lost his or her job. Consider the following:

> Offer to help, but don't push; let your friend define how you can lend support. You may assume that sending job leads is the best strategy, but s/he may prefer interview practice or just a listening ear.

> If you have good contacts, by all means share them, but get their permission first. Simply passing along names to your friend can put him in an uncomfortable position, especially when your contact has no idea who your friend is or why s/he is being contacted. Pave the way with advance notice or, better yet, a personal or mutual email introduction.

> Think of different ways you can help: Is your resume a winner? Offer to review your friend's. Or maybe you can conduct mock interviews, proofread cover letters or research potential leads.

> Ask your friend whether or not s/he wants you to inquire how the hunt is going. It's great that you're interested, but to a frustrated job-hunter, regular inquiries can feel like unwelcome pressure or confirmation of failure.

> Give your help freely, without expectation; don't get upset if your friend doesn't follow up every lead.

> Supply resources other than job leads: referrals to unemployment benefits, health care help, utility bill assistance, food stamps, mental health resources and job-hunt support groups can be even more valuable.

> Recognize how an unemployed person's social life changes, but don't abandon your cash-strapped friend. Realize that food, gas, movies, dining out and ticketed events may no longer be an option. Even better than offering to pay her way, which can make your friend feel like a charity case, suggest doing things that don't cost money. Drop by with dinner and a DVD, attend free performances or festivals, ask her to bring music for the party instead of wine or food. Don't leave your pal out of events such as a birthday celebration at a pricey restaurant; suggest that he or she drop by, or meet you before or after.

> Is a birthday or holiday approaching? Consider gifts carefully. Your friend might welcome the luxury of dinner out. Or maybe that seems wasteful and what s/he really needs is a grocery or gas gift card, the registration fee for a professional conference or seminar, a salon visit or a new interview outfit.

> Above all, resist judgment. It's easy to get exasperated and think that your friend just isn't trying hard enough. But many job-seekers are struggling with a crisis of self-confidence or even depression and are doing the best they can.

Do you have other suggestions? Please share them here.