Making a Difference on Newsstands

If you're looking for a way to spread compassion with your gift-giving, or a way to boost your health when you can't get to the gym, check out my articles in the current issues of "Natural Health" and "Woman's Day" magazines. The December/January issue of the former explains how you can send gifts of humanitarian aid -- school supplies, mosquito nets, medicine and more -- in the name of your gift recipient to those in need around the world. In the December 2 issue of "Woman's Day," I've written about reaping physical health benefits simply by helping others. In these financially troubled times, acknowledging those who have much less than we do can remind us of our own riches. I hope you'll check out the articles and share your thoughts here.

Have a Helping Halloween

Halloween is perhaps my favorite holiday, and it's also the occasion of two of my favorite ways for kids to make a difference. Encourage your children to Trick or Treat for UNICEF, so they can help kids in need all over the world, or participate in Sight Night and get eyeglasses to those who so desperately need them. Either choice will make candy rewards feel all the more richly deserved.

Help for the Unemployed

Last week I promised to share ways that you can make a difference for a friend, colleague or family member who has lost his or her job. Consider the following:

> Offer to help, but don't push; let your friend define how you can lend support. You may assume that sending job leads is the best strategy, but s/he may prefer interview practice or just a listening ear.

> If you have good contacts, by all means share them, but get their permission first. Simply passing along names to your friend can put him in an uncomfortable position, especially when your contact has no idea who your friend is or why s/he is being contacted. Pave the way with advance notice or, better yet, a personal or mutual email introduction.

> Think of different ways you can help: Is your resume a winner? Offer to review your friend's. Or maybe you can conduct mock interviews, proofread cover letters or research potential leads.

> Ask your friend whether or not s/he wants you to inquire how the hunt is going. It's great that you're interested, but to a frustrated job-hunter, regular inquiries can feel like unwelcome pressure or confirmation of failure.

> Give your help freely, without expectation; don't get upset if your friend doesn't follow up every lead.

> Supply resources other than job leads: referrals to unemployment benefits, health care help, utility bill assistance, food stamps, mental health resources and job-hunt support groups can be even more valuable.

> Recognize how an unemployed person's social life changes, but don't abandon your cash-strapped friend. Realize that food, gas, movies, dining out and ticketed events may no longer be an option. Even better than offering to pay her way, which can make your friend feel like a charity case, suggest doing things that don't cost money. Drop by with dinner and a DVD, attend free performances or festivals, ask her to bring music for the party instead of wine or food. Don't leave your pal out of events such as a birthday celebration at a pricey restaurant; suggest that he or she drop by, or meet you before or after.

> Is a birthday or holiday approaching? Consider gifts carefully. Your friend might welcome the luxury of dinner out. Or maybe that seems wasteful and what s/he really needs is a grocery or gas gift card, the registration fee for a professional conference or seminar, a salon visit or a new interview outfit.

> Above all, resist judgment. It's easy to get exasperated and think that your friend just isn't trying hard enough. But many job-seekers are struggling with a crisis of self-confidence or even depression and are doing the best they can.

Do you have other suggestions? Please share them here.

Easing Our Economic Burdens

I was remarking to a friend recently that cable news is reporting only two stories these days: the U.S. presidential election and the economic crisis. Whether or not you are affected personally – and it’s likely that you are, on some level – you surely know friends and neighbors who are struggling to hold onto retirement funds, jobs or homes. So I am going to start posting ways that we can help not just ourselves, but others who are facing unimaginable losses and need a thoughtful referral, a kind gesture, a sympathetic acknowledgment.

If you or someone you know could use some support and/or discussion with kindred spirits, here are two places that offer relief:

Moving Forward was started by a couple going through foreclosure in California. The nonprofit organization helps homeowners to avoid foreclosure or, failing that, to cope with the accompanying stress. The group meets in Ventura County, but you can participate in an online discussion at the site’s blog. And take a look at their Web site; you may be inspired to start your own local support group.

For a lively exchange of money-saving ideas and resources, including coupons and good deals listed by state, visit PinchingYourPennies.com. You can also join the online community of folks coping with financial anxieties in the site’s forums.

Check back in the coming weeks for more supportive sources, or subscribe via email or RSS feed. Next, I’ll offer tips on how to help a friend who’s unemployed.

A Writer With a Story

If you have read my book, The Difference a Day Makes, or pursued the suggestions I used to post at BenevolentPlanet.com, you know that I advocate personal action over cash donations. But today, a writing colleague is in dire need, and I'd like you to consider helping in any way you can. Lori Hall Steele is a prolific, talented writer and single mom who, just this past June, published an essay in the Washington Post that poignantly explored her young son's questions about death and separation. A few months later, Lori began having troubling symptoms that included a growing paralysis. She is now confined to a hospital bed and breathing support, diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease). Unable to work, she is in danger of losing the home she provides for 7-year-old Jack, and her mounting medical bills are staggering.

I've never met Lori, but I "know" her through the online writers' group I belong to. I have often marveled at the generosity of this group of virtual friends, and they are now mounting an extraordinary effort on behalf of Lori and her son. It is a testament to what we can do when we join forces with a shared purpose. Please read Lori's essay, visit her Web site, follow the blog, then find out what you can do to help -- from writing to her Michigan state representatives, to joining the effort's Facebook group, to passing the word to the other Everyday Altruists you know.

It's not often that we get to connect a face, and a very personal story, with a charitable act. Lori's story may be one among many, but it's one we can all sign our names to, as collaborators in compassion and faith.

How to Remember September 11

This Thursday is the seventh anniversary of the September 11 attacks on New York, Washington and Pennsylvania. Honor those who died, those who survived and those who still struggle to recover with a compassionate act:

Create a special envelope for the Remember September mail art project originated by Gail Ellspermann. Learn about it here. (Sample at left by Marney Makridakis of Artellaland.com.)

Do a kindness for another as part of a growing movement to make September 11 a national day of service. Learn more at mygooddeed.org.

Watch the PBS "Frontline" film, "Faith and Doubt at Ground Zero." (Ask your library if it has a copy to lend, or order it here.) Gather family and friends to watch with you.

Find out how others around the country are commemorating the events of seven years ago at the Families of September 11 site.

Multiply the effect by paying it forward: share these suggestions with 5 friends.

Paper With Your Plastic

I don't know what it's like where you live, but here in southcentral Pennsylvania, grocery stores make it tough to be earth-friendly. I'm lucky to have bought my own reusable bags years ago, when the supermarket I frequented wasn't afraid to sell practical, large-size bags. Those tiny totes I see in the stores now seem designed more for multiple bag sales than typical grocery hauls. If consumers have to buy 8 bags to carry a routine load, they'll probably just stick with the free plastic option.

Even though I provide my own 18 x 16 x 7-inch, breathable, moisture-proof bags, I still have to insist that store checkout clerks not ply me with plastic -- for frozen foods, produce, salad bar containers and any number of other items they deem "separate" or special. I also have to ask that they fill the bags completely; for some reason, they tend to fill them half-full, then reach again for the plastic. They have actually argued with me when I say that I prefer full bags, everything together. If this is the response we earth-conscious types get, how many patrons are going to adopt mindful habits?

My latest beef with grocers is paper-wasting receipts. Last week I bought three items from a local supermarket; my receipt was 30 inches long. I bought one item last night and got a 20-inch receipt. I'm not interested in the flower department's sale, the sandwich club or the "Golden Awards" program. I don't need to know that the pharmacy is now open. The logo alone takes up 2.5 inches. This isn't even a national chain, but a locally owned store. You would think that, whether or not they are eco-minded, they would embrace ways to reduce operating costs, and clearly they are using two-thirds more paper than necessary.

One UK grocer is doing its part: it prints receipts on both sides of the paper. Some advocate electronic receipts. Others suggest declining receipts when possible. For my part, I think I'll start with a letter to the local grocery store manager, asking for larger bring-your-own bags, a bit of education or training for employees and consideration of shorter receipts. If you have other suggestions, please share them.

Your Attention, Please

I confess: I am a news junkie. And while being informed is a good thing, I have found that too much of a good thing can be very bad. My immersion in cable news networks, major newspapers and Web headlines usually leaves me more overwhelmed than inspired. I actually wouldn't mind having more filters in place to highlight what I really need to know as opposed to what my insatiable curiosity finds interesting.

Apparently, I'm not alone. One DC-area blogger/author writes eloquently about the ways our brains might be struggling under the onslaught of modern life. In the August 24 edition of The Washington Post, Dusty Horwitt writes about the ways info-overload can undermine our democracy. His article asks, "If Everyone's Talking, Who Will Listen?" and notes that "the average visitor to newspaper Web sites stops by for just 1.5 minutes per day..."

What does this have to do with compassionate action, you ask? We can't respond to others if we don't even notice them. Permanently plugged into ipods and cell phones, we're oblivious to the hungry person on the sidewalk. Mesmerized by celebrity gossip, we pass by the documentary about genocide. Frenetically texting our way into the store, we let the door shut on the person behind us. We phone while driving, IM while channel-surfing, snap photos instead of seeing the subtleties right in front of our faces. When do we ever pause to pay attention to family, friends and strangers who have stepped off of our electronic canvas?

The Post article points out that you can't even help yourself by making your own voice heard amid the din. We're told that the Internet has opened up democracy, providing a platform for anyone who can post, blog or Digg. But generating messages is just the first step. To have an impact, you must be seen or heard. And we're all making that a lot harder.

Minds Matter: Donate School Supplies

It’s that time of year again. Kids are headed back to school, and teachers are trying to equip classrooms with basic supplies. Because education budgets are strained, many teachers end up spending hundreds of dollars out of their own pockets to provide students with the tools they need to learn. You can help. Visit DonorsChoose.org or ILoveSchools.com and fulfill a classroom’s wish list. You can search for a specific school or look for one in an impoverished district. And you can donate any amount, based on your budget. Reach out to help a struggling student, and make learning a mutual joy.

Give Up the Gas

Recently New York City restricted seven miles of urban street for bicycle-only traffic. The “Summer Streets” event lasted only six hours, but it will be repeated two more times this month. By most accounts, the first outing was a great success.

As someone who loves her bicycle, I would be thrilled if it were easier and safer to get around on two wheels. I am not alone, according to the founders of Bicycle City, a group of ecological designers, environmentalists, architects and others who are planning eco-friendly communities, where cars are rarely used, around the globe. Find out if your city or town is on the list of potential locations for Bicycle City. Then tune up your two-wheeler and spread the news.

Create Community

Like many of you, I practically live on the Internet. My work requires it, but even if it didn't, I suspect I would still devote hours to its many attractions. So I was happy to have a face-to-face meeting this week with the executive director of Project S.H.A.R.E., the rather remarkable food bank that serves the area where I live. (Listen to this brief NPR report on how rising food prices are affecting food banks, including Project S.H.A.R.E.) The work of the food bank is decidedly personal, not virtual, with local leaders, farmers, volunteers, students, donors and recipients working together to make the community stronger.

In an era when we conduct business, commerce, politics, education and even our love lives online, a little face time might do us good. I wrote about connecting with neighbors in Natural Health magazine, but it's easy to find kindred spirits near you -- and you can use your beloved Internet to do it. Check out meetup.com, where I found Mini-Cooper fans, rubber stampers, dining-out groups and more all gathering within 20 miles of my small town. If the outdoors calls, the Sierra Club can hook you up with fellow hikers. Creative souls might uncover an artistic alliance at Design Sponge. And if this year's U.S. presidential race excites you, just enter "meetup" and the party of your choice into your favorite search engine.

I've been toying with the idea of a creative support group for awhile. Maybe it's time I "faced" it.

No Place to Call Home

The current housing crisis in the United States gives us plenty of opportunity to practice compassion. Some say they have no sympathy for people who bought houses they couldn't afford. But the story is much more complex, with so many now suffering the fallout. Homeowners who would sell if they could, trapped in the continuing downturn. Neighbors whose property values plummet with each new foreclosure on the block. Lenders who counted on real estate values rising ever higher, justifying reckless loan terms. Renters who find themselves suddenly homeless as landlords lose houses to banks. Children who must leave friends, schools, even favorite possessions, in the wake of their family's financial ruin.

"Bill Moyers Journal" addressed the issues eloquently on its July 18 program. The episode makes clear that there is plenty of heartache to go around.

One category of victims you only occasionally hear about are the animal companions abandoned when owners or renters must go to a temporary home or shelter that won't permit animals. No Paws Left Behind is doing something about it, and you can, too, by visiting its Web site.

You can do something about the human toll, too, just by suspending the assumption that "they got what they deserve." Encourage your local leaders to come up with solutions for managing abandoned houses and relocating renters. Start a helpful dialog on your local newspaper's editorial page. Recognize that homelessness is fast on the rise and looks surprisingly like the folks next door.

Share the Difference, Win the Revolution

Like minds Sam Davidson and Stephen Moseley have written a book that sounds mighty useful (and slightly familiar!), New Day Revolution: How to Save the World in 24 Hours. You can win a signed copy by sharing your favorite ways to make a difference through the daily choices you make. Why not click on over and express your everyday altruism?

Conquering Cruelty

This past weekend, I attended a conference on animal welfare. Near the end of the day, a fellow attendee confessed to me that she was tired and discouraged. She had spent the weekend viewing acts of extraordinary human cruelty against animals, and despite the efforts of so many compassionate advocates, she couldn’t imagine that behavior changing in her lifetime.

Her despair reminded me of Larry King’s interview with Ingrid Betancourt, who was recently released after being held as a hostage for seven years in the Colombian jungle. When asked to name the worst thing she had to endure, Betancourt didn’t mention a particular torture tactic, or the long years apart from her family, or the effects of a failed escape attempt. After a long, thoughtful silence, she said the worst thing was “realizing that ... human beings can be so horrible to other human beings.”

Being confronted with the human capacity for cruelty can shake our faith to its core. We recognize that there are limits to our reasoned arguments, our pleas for mercy. When we hit the wall of ultimate indifference, we can only look to ourselves for redemption. Our choice is to surrender, to believe that hatred conquers all, or to affirm a more powerful force that elevates all humanity.

Betancourt has triumphed; against all odds, she has already resolved to forgive her captors. In doing so, she reclaims her power. I hope my fellow animal advocate can redirect her energies from anger against those who do harm, to the larger mission of caring for our fellow creatures. Her heart is greater than the conflict at hand, and the innocents need all of its might.

3 Reasons The Difference Still Makes Me Smile

My book, The Difference a Day Makes, was published three years ago, which the industry considers a lifetime. But expressing the humanity we have in common, in simple, daily ways, seems to have a long shelf-life; the book is still selling nicely, and this week, it was the #1 bestseller in its category on Amazon.com. That means our community of Everyday Altruists is growing every day.

And speaking of sales rankings, another thing that makes me happy is the good fortune I had to interview Greg Mortenson as one of the “expert voices” in The Difference a Day Makes. Greg’s book about his personal quest to build schools for girls in Afghanistan and Pakistan, Three Cups of Tea, was the #1 nonfiction paperback on this week’s Washington Post bestseller list, and it was the first book club choice for Body + Soul magazine readers. Among other experts I had the privilege of speaking with, all of whom are still busy building a better world, are Wayne Pacelle, president and CEO of the Humane Society of the United States; Sarah Brady, honorary chair of the Brady Campaign to End Gun Violence (read my article about her and husband Jim here); and Bill Shore, founder and executive director of Share Our Strength. Having these extraordinary leaders lend remarks to Difference is an honor for which I am truly grateful.

A third thing that brings a smile to my face is an email I received recently from a reader in New Zealand. Having discovered my book in her local library, she wrote: “Living in a world where so much negativity abounds, hearing or reading comments of an encouraging nature has such a positive effect on my soul. We encouragers need all the encouragement we can get.”

Let us all be encouragers. Tips for green living are all the rage right now, and I’m glad the first chapter of Difference is about Nature Nurture. But what makes me hopeful is that the other chapters offer the same simple recipes for fighting poverty and homelessness, ending violence and hunger, honoring animals and elders and more. So while we’re waiting for the Al Gore of compassionate living to come forth and make it trendy, why not start our own quiet revolution? Tell your friends, engage your social network, write to your newspaper, adopt The Difference a Day Makes as your community group’s project. I guarantee you'll smile.

Curbing Offensive Phoning

Sometimes "compassionate action" is as simple as employing common consideration. July is Cell Phone Courtesy Month. Have you gotten so accustomed to those voices in your ear that you're ignoring the humanity around you? Try to mind your wireless manners by:

> Letting calls go to voicemail when you're in others' company.
> Turning your phone off, or to vibrate, at public performances, presentations and ceremonies; at the library, movies and museums; and in any place where a ringing phone will disrupt an otherwise peaceful environment.
> Foregoing calls while driving. If you're paying attention to the road, you can't give your call buddy the full attention he or she deserves. And no one likes their conversation to be interrupted by tunnels, toll booths or other interferences. You'll be doing your fellow drivers a favor, too.
> Using text messaging to receive and send urgent, but brief, news.
> Recognizing that you're not alone. Do you really want a store-ful of strangers to hear the details of your love life?

For more on cell phone courtesy, check out Modern Manners Guy.

Help Midwest Flood Victims

If you don't live in the American midwest, or in another area where rising waters have destroyed all you own, it may be hard to imagine leaving behind your home, the things you love, and maybe even the animal companions who depend on you in a sudden evacuation. Finding yourself waist-high in a toxic soup, trying to get yourself and your loved ones to safety. Bunking down in a temporary shelter with little more than the clothes on your back, not knowing what comes next. These are the hardships our fellow citizens are enduring in Iowa and surrounding states right now, and here are a few things you can do to help:

If you live in the area...

Grab some friends and volunteer to sandbag or help clean up once the waters recede. Find out where and how to pitch in at any of these three sites:
WGEM Quincy, Illinois
KCRG-TV Cedar Rapids, Iowa
2008flood.org

Can you take in someone’s animal companion temporarily, as a foster caretaker, while they are in a shelter that doesn’t accommodate dogs and cats? If not, local shelters are accepting donations of goods as well; read about the Iowa City Animal Care and Adoption Center’s needs here.


Whether you live near or far...
Ask your local coffeehouse or bookstore to host an evening of readings and/or music around the theme of rising waters and pass a hat for donations to be sent to one of these relief organizations:
American Red Cross Disaster Relief Fund
Mennonite Disaster Services

If you have a Web site or blog, download a Red Cross donation button and post it on your site.

Inform yourself, then tell a friend. Check out these up-to-the-minute reports, where you'll find photos, video and more:
Topix Midwest Floods report
Humane Society of the United States blog
American Red Cross blog

Remember, no effort is too small. You can make a difference in another's struggle and turn rising waters into a river of hope.

Cash Conversion

$299.95 =
Cost of a Pink SUV Pet Stroller from the Beverly Hills Mutt Club

Cost to provide medical supplies to care for 6 shelter animals, from rescue to adoption, at the Animal Rescue Foundation in Walnut Creek, Calif.

In Print, On Purpose

I write about the benefits of good neighboring in the current (May) issue of Natural Health Magazine. It's the "Make One Change" feature on the issue's last page. (In March, I wrote a "Make One Change" about donating your old eyeglasses to those in need.) You may want to check it out before it disappears from newsstands.

Promote Peace This Weekend

Monday is Memorial Day in the United States, a day to remember all those who have died in a war. To date, 4079 U.S. troops have lost their lives in Iraq. The number of Iraqi civilians killed isn’t reported by the U.S. government, but the lowest estimates range from some 84,000 to just under 92,000. Numbers like these can be numbing, hard to translate into human suffering. In America, we are prevented from seeing the coffins arriving at Dover Air Force Base, the funerals at Arlington Cemetery and small towns all over the country, the weeping mothers and wives, brothers and sisters whose loved ones will never come home.

This weekend, let’s remember each of them, as well as those who have died in other wars around the globe, at the appointed hour of 11 a.m., wherever you live, with a Prayer for Peace. You’ll find one here, and another in a downloadable mp3 file here. (Click on Prayer for Peace MP3.) And if you know someone who has lost someone in the devastation of war, send a note to let them know they aren’t forgotten.

Make a Difference in Myanmar

Eleven days after a cyclone devasted Myanmar, relief efforts are finally beginnng to make a bit of progress. While restrictions on reporters are limiting the amount of photos and video coming out of the country, those images that have emerged depict extraordinary suffering. If you are moved to help, here are some simple options:

Use the press releases and other information at the UN Refugee Agency's Web site to write a letter to the editor of your local paper, asking readers to help.

Buy graduation, wedding or Father's Day gifts at heartof.com or iGive.com and designate Myanmar-involved World Vision, Save the Children or the International Rescue Committee as your chosen charity. A percentage of your purchases from popular retailers will be donated to your designated cause at no extra expense to you.

Tell a teacher about the UN Refugee Agency’s resources for classrooms. Kids can then come up with their own ideas for reaching out to Myanmar's children.

Support the efforts of UNICEF by using Windows Live™ Messenger or Windows Live Hotmail®, Each time you use these free services, Microsoft donates a portion of ad revenue to the organization you choose.

Download a CARE International ringtone; remind yourself and your companions to take meaningful action every time your phone rings.

Cash donations allow relief organizations to purchase more than individuals can, buy locally from survivors, and direct aid to where it's needed most. Here are some reputable aid groups that are accepting donations for their work in Myanmar:

World Food Programme:
CARE International:
UN Refugee Agency:

Are You Turning Green?

"Green" living tips are everywhere these days, which is a good thing. Maybe you've bought energy-efficient lightbulbs and started turning out the lights when you leave a room, or maybe you buy locally grown food and drive a hybrid car. Whatever your shade of green, do you ever wonder how well you're doing? I just discovered a fun Web site that measures how many Planet Earths we would need to sustain us if everyone on the planet lived your or my lifestyle. I think I'm pretty mindful of the choices I make; I recycle, eat few processed foods, and telecommute -- and when I drive, I'm in a fuel-efficient compact car. Some choices aren't mine to make: I can't alter my home, for instance, since I rent. Still, I was surprised to learn that my habits requre 4.5 planets. Ouch! If you'd like to find out how many planets your life requires, go play Consumer Consequences. And if you're brave (or proud) enough, please share your results!

Death at the Derby

Among animal "sports" -- from greyhound racing and dog fighting, to rodeo and bullfighting -- horse racing is surely the most widely accepted, the least questioned. And yet an average of twice a day in the United States, a horse sustains an injury or fatality that ends its racing career, according to an editorial in the Washington Post. A USA Today blog reports that, from 2004 to 2006, at just one race track -- California's Del Mar -- 55 horses died racing. It happened again at this past weekend's Kentucky Derby, when filly Eight Belles crossed the finish line and collapsed on the track, both front ankles broken. Not wishing to offend viewers' sensibilities, NBC turned its cameras away as veterinarians euthanized the animal behind shielding ambulances.

When so much is done to block our view, it's time to insist on a closer look. The fate of Eight Belles, along with 2006 Derby-winner Barbaro and other, less famous equines, has renewed discussions of thoroughbred overbreeding. Genetically designed for speed, these beautiful animals often end up out of balance, with bones that can't support their objectives. Drugs that enhance performance and/or mask injury are still used routinely, despite Congressional hearings intended to regulate them. And you only have to watch the Derby to see more evidence of human insensitivity: jockeys repeatedly whacking their horses with riding crops to get them to go faster, and faster. If horses love racing so much, as owners, trainers and jockeys insist, why do they need a crack to the shoulder or rump to goad them on?

Horse racing isn't going away anytime soon; it's backed by multi-million-dollar commerce and the gambling industry, a powerful blend of money-making machinery. But if you don't see the point of subjecting these magnificent creatures to distress -- or death -- simply for the sake of entertainment, you can take a stand. Write to TV networks that broadcast races and tell them you -- and maybe your friends? -- aren't watching. Write to sponsoring advertisers and tell them you won't buy their brands. Support sanctuaries that provide a safe home for retired race horses. And read more about the issue at the following sites, so you can have meaningful conversations with family, friends and colleagues. It's easy to be lulled into blind acceptance of cruel practices when they're dressed up with parties, tradition and potential winnings, large and small. But if you have a heart for the animals at our mercy, you'll recognize our incalcuable loss.
For more information:

Overview from In Defense of Animals

Drugs in horse racing

More drugs in horse racing

Links to stories

Polls Are Polarizing

I will know we have made real progress in race relations when the media no longer talks about the black vote, the Hispanic vote, the white male vote, etc. Can there be any better way to emphasize our differences than to divide us by ethnicity and report information accordingly? Why is this necessary? Does it advance our understanding of the issues or tell us anything about the candidates that will aid our decision? And how simplistic (and inaccurate) is it to imply that African Americans vote for this person, or women nominate that person, or a certain social class supports one candidate, when we are all individuals with as many reasons for our vote as the qualities and quirks that make each of us unique?

You can slice us up and categorize us any way you wish. If the media needs to fill its airwaves with polling results – another practice I take issue with, and I might, in another post – then why not measure the Viewers of “American Idol” vote, the Pet-Owners’ vote or the People Who Eat Cupcakes vote? It would be so much less divisive and certainly more interesting. As it is, our media coverage announces to the world that we have only three ethnic groups whose vote matters (hear much about the Asian or American Indian vote?) and that the differences among them are assumed and significant. I call that racism. If it bothers you, too, refuse to participate in political polls – unless they ask if you eat cupcakes.

A Call for Help in Congo

A recent episode of "60 Minutes" featured the women of the Democratic Republic of the Congo who live in constant fear of vicious rape by warring militias. It's difficult to imagine what they endure, but you can do something in response. Visit Women for Women International and learn more about this ongoing tragedy; then send a message of hope, or take another simple action on behalf of women around the globe.

Wounded and Wiser

I’ve talked before about the unique ability we have to help others heal from pain we’ve experienced ourselves. Those who have suffered, whether from violence or illness or unexpected tragedy, are uniquely qualified to light a path for people who must find their way through a similar forest. We see this every time a crime victim, school dropout or bereaved parent launches an effort to restore justice, engage students or support the grieving.

Larry King recently interviewed Lee Thomas, a TV broadcaster in Detroit who has vitiligo, an incurable disease that is turning his black skin white. You can read the transcript or download the podcast about Thomas’s struggle here. The interview was truly compelling, but what stuck with me was Thomas's assertion that his affliction "has made me the man I always wanted to be." He said he is more understanding, more compassionate. He is in touch with the struggles of others, and with children who have vitiligo in particular. He is using his high media profile to bring much-needed attention and acceptance to a condition that often generates despair.

Similarly, a newly released book, Strong at the Broken Places, profiles ordinary people with various chronic health challenges who are triumphing, emotionally, in the face of great odds. The author, Richard Cohen, has multiple sclerosis and is a colon cancer survivor. The book is giving hope to those who battle illness every day, as well as to those of us with our own "broken places" awaiting transformation.

What are your broken places? What might you offer to others who share a similar experience or challenge? Take a small, initial step and feel the healing begin.

Want Fries With Your Cloneburger?

Amid growing trends toward eating fresh, locally and organic, I was jarred by a recent news report about the FDA's imminent approval of milk and meat from cloned animals. I don't know about you, but I have no desire to ingest the latest natural interference, be it cloned meat or genetically "enhanced" produce -- especially unwittingly. (So far, the FDA hasn't established any mandatory labeling of these foods.) And given its track record over the last few years, do you want to trust the FDA with determining the safety, both short- and long-term, of what you and your family put into your bodies? Enjoy the lighter side of the issue by listening to The Cow Cloning Song; then write to your legislators and the FDA to tell them how you feel. And if you've ever thought about it, this might be a good time to become a vegetarian.

New Year, New Practice

As promised in the most recent issue of my e-newsletter, Waking Up on the Planet, I am reviving and re-launching this blog in the new year. My intention is to post here every week (Tuesday afternoons) ... starting January 8. I'll be providing the same tips, resources and "Wake-Up Calls" subscribers are used to seeing, plus some notes about my life as a writer/author and more personal adventures. In the next few weeks, you'll be able to set up a feed if you'd like to get these posts in your email. In the meantime, please bookmark this page and return every week. And by all means, share your comments! More coming soon...

Is Self-Help More Harmful Than Helpful?

What if none of these is true?:

"Do what you love; the money will follow."
"As long as you work hard, you can be anything you want."
"Believe, and you’ll achieve."
"You get what you deserve."
"You can think your way to success."
"Anyone can get rich."
"Nice people finish first."
"What you put out into the world, you get in return."
"You can have it all."
"You’re limited only by your imagination."

The self-help aisle at your local bookstore is full of assertions that we’ve read or heard so often, we’ve come to accept them as truth. The more skeptical among us may question content; the cynics often dismiss the genre outright. As an author myself, I’ve been thinking about the motives of those who write these books and take their messages on the road, drawing thousands and even millions of followers who embrace their propositions. "The Secret," and Oprah’s endorsement of it, was the phenomenon that got me seriously analyzing what’s going on behind our national self-help obsession.

Someone once said something to the effect that it’s hard to go broke underestimating the unhappiness of the American people. Most of the top-selling self-help books promise a simple recipe for achieving happiness or earning millions. (Most of the latter imply delivery of the former.) If you can develop a unique or even slightly fresh plan of action for cultivating contentment or wealth, and you can get it published, you yourself have a better shot than most at becoming richer and, by implication, happier. I can’t watch "The Secret" DVD without picturing all of those personal growth gurus imagining raking in dough by participating, and now having it be so. It certainly worked for them.

But that doesn’t make it a natural law, or true for the rest of us. I don’t even need to question whether or not they believe their own outsized success stories; I can assume that they do, and still wonder why they’re so sure their experience can be everyone else’s. I have great respect for Oprah Winfrey, but I take issue more and more often with her assertions that her phenomenal achievements are due only to her powers of manifestation, dedication and faith. She doesn’t believe there is any such thing as luck. But I know there are plenty of others who have applied the very same principles and practices to their lives and find themselves still struggling. It seems disingenuous for Oprah to imply that a more complex blend of opportunity, serendipity, smart associates, shrewd business, timing, charisma and yes, a lucky break or two, didn’t deliver her to a singular place in our current culture.

What I’m getting at is this: it’s hard to be told, over and over, that we can all have the life of our dreams if we’ll just follow steps A through Z. That if it doesn’t work out, we’re not doing it right. Or with enough passion. And while none of us wants to believe that those platitudes listed earlier might not be true, doesn’t it feel worse to believe them and then live a life of persistent contradiction?

A healthier approach might be to consider the advice as food for thought or even possibility, rather than guarantee. To recognize Oprah’s "Best Life" as a model, not a promise. To believe that we have more potential, greater adventures ahead, but that our particular road might not end in a pot of gold, but some other satisfaction. Maybe it’s the journey itself – a cliché that just might be worth embracing.

Trite Comfort

In this month’s Waking Up on the Planet e-newsletter, I talked about how little comfort we give to those who are struggling when we tell them "it’s meant to be," "everything happens for a reason" or "there’s a lesson in this for you." I suggested that, while we may embrace these theories, they excuse us from offering concrete help and healing – acknowledging a friend’s pain, allowing him or her to express it in whatever way offers relief, sitting in that uneasy place with our hearts, and listening ears, wide open. It’s not always easy to know what to say in the face of another’s despair, but knowing what not to say is equally useful:

"This, too, shall pass."
"He/she is in a better place now."
"He/she is better off now."
"It’s God’s will."
"It’s the way of the universe."
"It’s time to move on."
"Time heals all wounds."
"Be grateful for what you’ve got."
"It could be worse."
"Crying doesn’t solve anything."
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
"God doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle."

All of these cliches fail to recognize how people’s grief, loss, disappointment or despair transforms the quality of their lives and demands expression, acknowledgment and some measure of relief. It needn’t be profound; usually the simplest offerings, like a visit, a meal, or your undivided attention will do.

Surely it’s true that "into each life, some rain must fall." But when you’re standing in a downpour, you don’t want quaint wisdom; you want an umbrella.

How to Help the Virginia Tech Family

Here are some simple actions you can take to help and support those recovering from the shootings at Virginia Tech; if you know of others, please share by commenting:

Virginia Tech family members all over the country have declared Friday, April 20, an "Orange and Maroon Effect" day. They invite everyone in the country to wear orange and maroon to support the school, community and family members of the victims.

Ask your local bookstore to host a reading of poetry and prose about healing from violence, and pass a hat around for donations. Send the money to the Safe Schools for Kids Virginia Tech Fund.
Ask your civic leaders to organize a candlelight vigil in your town.

Download the sign, created by blogger Nicco.org to show support for Virginia Tech. Print it out and post it in your car or home window, or on a community bulletin board.

Post your condolences online.

Suggest to your local high school that they invite a speaker from Rachel's Challenge to address students about alternatives to violence. Rachel's Challenge was founded by Columbine High School shooting survivor Craig Scott to honor his sister, who was killed in that tragedy.

Ask local businesses to donate a portion of their proceeds on a given day to the Virginia Tech Family Fund, University Development, 902 Prices Fork Road, Blacksburg, VA 24061.

The Real News at Virginia Tech

Like all of you, I've been watching the terrible sadness unfolding day by day at Virginia Tech. But I am most troubled by the turn the coverage took yesterday, an endless examination of the shooter and his "motives" -- including, now, photos and video -- as if it will provide us with a reason, something that actually makes sense. We need so badly to believe that we can recognize grief before it reaches us, that we can assess and contain madness, that we can prevent tragedies of all kinds. We now know that this young man was mentally ill; is this news? Didn't we know this the minute we heard about the incident?

We convince ourselves that by studying circumstances, we can avoid or alter them in the future. But this strategy requires identifying What Went Wrong, including placing blame. We hear "experts" argue about campus security, mental health screening, gun control, police procedure. But there are two sides to all of these issues for a reason: making changes to any or all of them still won't guarantee our safety. And that is a conclusion our controlling culture just can't bear.

What if we simply accepted that these things happen, beyond reason or regulation? What if we skipped over the endless analysis of a person whose behavior is beyond our understanding and focused, instead, on the flip side of tragedy? On the flip side are stories of loving relationships, of inspired lives and deep friendship, of bravery and compassion and the kindness of strangers. Imagine if, out of every event of this nature, we got 'round the clock coverage of these things, an opportunity to bask in all that is right with our world.

One person unleashed a terrible thing at Virginia Tech; as a result, millions are showing the blinding beauty of humanity at its best.

A Long Hiatus

It's been a long time since I posted my thoughts here. I have been spending all of my hours lately pitching articles about purposeful living to magazines. It's a lot of work, but I want this community of Everyday Altruists to grow, so we can trade experiences, information and support. So far, your comments here have been almost nil; are you out there reading quietly to yourselves? Please do join in. By generating a lively exchange, we'll discover mutual intentions and new ways to design a better world. I'm still learning the blogging ropes, so I haven't yet done everything I can to bring more people here, like listing in blog directories and setting up RSS feeds ... but I will soon.

That said, I am finding that I'm not naturally inclined to empty my mind online every week, much less more often. But I keep renewing my vow. My goal is to get here twice a week, Mondays and Thursdays, to share thoughts, tips and resources that help you to create a purposeful life. It would help to know that you're out there, bringing your unique energies to this effort. Commenting is easy -- what's on your mind today?